If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
