haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
