Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
