porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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