you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
