Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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