69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
