saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize