Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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