You really coming over, don't trick.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
