need another drink. this is the easiest way
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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