The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
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The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
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As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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