Plan B is the new Plan A
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
