but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You left your phone here
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