I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
