We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
