I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
