Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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