Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
