He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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