i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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