Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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