he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
