the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
