I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
