It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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