the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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