I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
