She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
