this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
