When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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