yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
