Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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