Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
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Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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