Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
