Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have fence marks all over my body
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
