I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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