It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
