We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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