They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
