at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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