:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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