well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Help. Why am I so naked?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
