i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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