shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
