i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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