Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
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When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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