walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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