left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
