i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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