Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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