This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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