I cut my penus on the lid.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
