Well douche your snatch and let's go!
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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