just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
