I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
