Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
