Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
