I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
