What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
