Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
