She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
