it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
