He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
