I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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