I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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