Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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