Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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