if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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