U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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