Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
