five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
